5 Reasons to online date

We know, we know… you’re single and getting slack from loved ones who, of course, only want the best for you. They’re concerned about your one-too-many-nights spent couch-bound watching The Bachelor and ordering in Chinese food. Okay, so perhaps we just revealed considerably more about ourselves than we’d like to admit! Regardless, it seems like everyone and her Grandmother (literally) is concerned about your “single” status (and it doesn’t help that most social media sites have it listed front and center).

 And in this “era of technology” (as anyone too old to be listening to about dating advice seems to call it), it seems as if online dating is the only way to go – or perhaps just the last resort for those of us for whom college produced no suitable contenders – (no matter how uncomfortable it may make you or how many Law & Order SVU episodes you’ve seen that end with blind dates ending badly. Really badly).

The bottom line, though, is that online dating is the way to go. Just not for the reasons you (or your pushy parents) likely think. Sure, the potential to meet a mate is there, but, if you (like many of us!) are blissfully single (or just not ready to look for love on the internet quite yet), online dating is still for you according to Stephanie Florman, Relationship Coach and Advice Expert for Master Matchmakers, the company behind

VH1’s Tough Love Series. In fact, even all of you actively avoiding relationships can sign up for online dating in order to have a healthy and happy relationship with yourself!

5 Reasons To Online Date For A Better Relationship With Yourself
Flatter Yourself. What better way to boost your confidence than to write down all your best assets! In your bio, write down who you are and what makes you attractive. The more detailed (albeit concise) it is, the better – not only for attracting others, but also for attracting yourself!

Learn About Yourself. Online dating gives you the opportunity to answer difficult questions about yourself and your past, questions you may not be prepared to answer. We all have a past. We’ve all made choices we’re not proud of. The goal is to turn negatives into positives. Focus on what your tough times have taught you and how they have made you a better person.

Highlight Your Insecurities (And Turn Them Around!). Online dating shines a bright light on your insecurities, helping you to quickly identify areas of your life that need improvement. Maybe you’re unwilling to share your income level because you’re embarrassed about your finances. Use these insecurities as opportunities to make positive changes in your life.

Sharpen Your Intuition. You can learn a lot about a person by being observant and listening. Maybe you find that you feel rushed, pressured or drained when you talk with someone. Maybe you find that you feel relaxed with someone else. Notice how you feel and trust it.

Be A Better Dater. If or when you do want to take your dating life (with others and not just yourself) to the next level (online or not), you’ll not only be your best self, but also be prepared for all the ups and downs of dating in the real and cyber world.

Remember, keep safety in mind! Do not share personal information (especially your last name or home address), use a free email account with only your first name, use a cell phone to chat, meet in a public place and tell a close friend or family member your plans. Most importantly, trust your gut instincts. (Now, what were we saying about Law & Order SVU…?)

What is crushing your confidence?

Read our expert tips for overcoming 10 common confidence-crushers.

So nobody notices you, everybody else is more attractive and, frankly, you're doomed to fail whatever you attempt in life? Nonsense! It's time to face those fears head-on with our expert tips for overcoming 10 common confidence-crushers...

'I'm not as clever or interesting as other people'
'Comparisons are odious,' insists clinical psychologist Dr Cecilia d'Felice. 'It's an illusion to compare ourselves with others because we never really know the full picture. We're all so good at impression management, we forget that other people have their own insecurities and worries, too. So stop judging yourself and them. It's much better to divert your energy towards working on who you want to be, and stop worrying about your own perceived limitations. Focus on what you like about yourself - even if it's only one little thing - and build on that.'

'I didn't get the job'
Being overlooked for promotion or turned down for a position you really wanted elsewhere can feel soul-destroying - particularly if you were initially pretty confident the job was yours. The trick, though, is to learn from the experience. 'Try to find out where you were lacking,' says life coach Carole Ann Rice. 'Do you need to strengthen certain skills? Are you visible enough at work? Do you need to network and get more allies and advocates to fight your corner? Instead of licking your wounds, seize the opportunity to get out of your comfort zone and improve yourself.'

'My parents prefer my sibling'
You might think family favouritism won't affect you in adulthood. But, according to Robert Kelsey - author of What's Stopping You Being More Confident? - this hangover from childhood is one of the most common causes of low confidence. 'Around 70 percent of fathers and 65 percent of mothers favour one sibling, which is a disaster for the unfavoured child,' he explains. 'For example, I was the "annoying little brother" and "disappointing son" - two roles that gave my big sister high self-esteem while leaving me bereft of confidence. To get beyond this, you need enlightenment. Recognise what's happened and then learn to forgive. Resentment may be an inevitable part of the journey, but you need to grow beyond it. Ultimately, forgiveness is key to moving on.'

'A friend or partner keeps putting me down'
It can be hard to stay confident if the comments or actions of someone close keep chipping away at your self-esteem. 'You can't tear someone down without tearing yourself down,' insists clinical hypnotherapist Dominic Knight. 'The person who is slamming you probably has very low self-confidence and their negative reinforcement of you is their method of trying to control you and gain their own confidence. In a nutshell, their opinion doesn't count. We all too often dwell on the negative comments people have made. It's better to recall the many positive things people have said instead.'

'My friends are more successful than me'
Uh-oh - it's comparison time again! But if your friends all appear to have better jobs, bigger houses or happier relationships than you, it's hard not to feel lacking. 'This type of comparison only leads to contemptuous feelings towards your friends, which may push them away,' warns psychologist Dr Massimo Stocchi. 'Try turning the comparison into a positive one. Be thankful that you have such successful people around you - and use their success to motivate you to work hard to get the things you want in life, too.'

'He's just not that into me'
When a new man doesn't call or a relationship simply fizzles out in its early stages, your confidence can take a real beating. But it's important to keep things in perspective. 'When you depend on others' approval to shore up your self-confidence, every "little" sign of disinterest can hit you hard,' says relationship expert Kate Taylor. 'So work on building up your love for yourself. Take time to nurture your friendships, improve your career or indulge in new activities that excite you before you start dating - and continue to pursue these interests even when you're seeing someone. That way, you'll develop your sense of self-achievement and have less time to notice or worry about minor dating blips.'

'I feel out of my depth at work'
Squeezed budgets, workplace reshuffles and a change in management can all take their toll on professional confidence - even if you've been doing the same job for a while. 'There are always changes in any job and this can make us feel insecure,' says Carole Ann Rice. 'It's important to be ready to face new challenges without feeling diminished by them. So always expect things to change - then you won't be surprised when they do. And if you've lost confidence, try to work out why - and identify what you'd need to restore it, such as further training or more support from your boss, for example. Also, it may help to take a reality check and ask your manager or colleagues for constructive feedback on your performance. You may well find your fears are unfounded.'

'People never notice me'
Convinced you're the kind of person who unwittingly blends into the background at work or social situations? You need to pay more attention! 'If you want to be noticed, you need to be completely "present" in whatever you're doing,' says Dr d'Felice. 'Be present to what's occurring around you, present to what others are saying and present to your own thoughts and feelings - and you will soon enhance your own personal presence. It's also important to cultivate an authentic voice that allows you to "speak your truth". When people communicate authentically, others sit up and take notice. You don't have to be loud or aggressive: just say what you think, but try to focus on the positive in every situation.'

'I'm too shy to make my mark'
OK, speaking up at work or parties is all very well - but what if you're too shy to open your mouth in the first place? Well, you need to feel the fear - and do it anyway. 'If you want to create a bond with someone, you need to give them your undivided attention,' says Dominic Knight. 'This is impossible if you're too concerned about how you're coming across or whether people are judging you negatively. So stop focusing on yourself and focus on making the other person's day by really connecting with them. You can overcome shyness with practice. It will help to think of times when you've had a great conversation with close friends and family to get you in a positive frame of mind.'

'I've failed before - so I'll fail again'
It's all too easy to have your confidence quashed by past failures. But who goes through life getting everything right the first time? Nobody! 'You'll experience successes and failures constantly throughout your life,' points out Dominic Knight. 'Indeed, research has shown that the world's most successful people were initially great failures. But they kept picking themselves up and persevering each time something didn't work out. It would be utterly delusional to expect everything to go well the first time you try it. The trick is to learn from your mistakes and to keep trying until you succeed.'

Tips for a stronger lasting marriage

Every couple wants their marriage to stay strong; even if your relationship is healthy and strong here are some tips to further strengthen your relationship and keep it interesting.

Walk Through Memory Lane:
Don’t dwell over the past or bring back bad memories, instead bring up the memories that you love and enjoyed most.

Drop Old Problems:
If you fight, don’t bring up all the previous fights and problems you had, focus on fixing this one in a more positive attitude.

Spend Time Alone:
Spend some time apart, let your spouse go out with his/her friends and do something they love.

Get Along with Each Other’s Friends:
If you’re not close to each other’s friends, plan an occasional gathering to keep in touch with your partner’s friends.

Stop Being Uptight:
Have a sense of humor and don’t be over sensitive.

Healthy Eating:
A recent study found that people who consume more fruits and vegetables experience higher levels of mental well-being.

Cook Together:

Not only will it be fun, it will also bring you closer to each other.

The importance of friendzones

Our unlucky-in-love Karim Rahman has committed a cardinal dating sin...

Once upon a time, there was a girl. She was irrelevant. In that same time that once was, there was a boy. He was also irrelevant. They were friends. The boy fell in love with the girl, and one fateful day, decided to make his feelings known. He told her I love you. She reciprocated. They lived happily ever after.

Wrong. What actually happened was the boy texted her "I love you" and after the girl ignored the message for the longest while possible, replied with an "Aww thanks," quietly asking him to return to the Friendzone from which he just tried to escape.

The Friendzone has been around longer than your average humans. When God decided to create the world, he started by creating this bottomless pit where many have entered and none have returned. For women, it has provided a fool-proof, steadfast way of avoiding unwanted romantic advances. For men, it has been (and still is) the stuff of nightmares; the monster under the proverbial bed. I've personally never been Friendzoned; some people attribute it to the fact that I'm a raging bitch with no friends, others to the fact that I'm a cheap whore, only viewed as a sex object, to be discarded after use. Neither is (that) true.

I thought I was smart enough not to have feelings for a friend, that I would never be stupid enough to actually fall for someone like that and risk the messy, sticky complications that would follow; until now, of course. Throughout this past week, two things I have become certain of: first, that 75% of all my "romantic liaisons" seem to live in Heliopolis and second, that I was definitely, surely, absolutely crushing on a friend of mine (who lives in Heliopolis). Not just any friend: an unattainable one as well.
My friend is someone I've only met a semester ago. A graduating engineering senior, Engineer is funny, charming, blunt, a bit of a drama queen and strictly camaraderie material. Yes, I obviously felt a little spark when we first met (but doesn't that happen with everyone I meet?), but I paid it absolutely no heed. It would never go anywhere with Engineer; we were too mismatched, from different worlds and I knew that perfectly well. I promised myself I would keep a level head, and not let this Taylor Swift crush get to me.

But I immediately found myself laughing a bit too loudly at the jokes, racing to answer the texts, sharing morning coffees and bonding over cupcakes. However, this was all pushed and prodded by Engineer, who isn't guiltless of dropping hints and sending mixed signals. I mean, my birthday gift (which is literally in two weeks, FYI) is apparently a steak and wine dinner date, just the two of us; completely Engineer's idea. I'm not crazy, right?

On the one hand, I value Engineer as a friend. I would never want to risk losing that. Yet, on the other, "just friends" doesn't seem to be enough for me; I get jealous, I get pissed off when my texts get ignored. I can't help but think about it every time we see each other; yet I can't even be properly Friendzoned, because there's no fucking way I'll ever be able to let it out and take the plunge. I'm in limbo; neither Datezoned nor Friendzoned and there isn’t even a name for that.

Here's the thing: falling for someone is supposed to be easy. It's actually quite preferable that the person we date is someone we are comfortable with as a friend. Otherwise, it just feels like one long prelude to commitment and marriage. The fights will be twice as bad, yes, but making up will be twice as easy and twice as good. Yet, that's never the reality of things. Falling for a friend is messy; it's complicated and dramatic and if things were to not work out, you can never go back to your previous state. The minute you start viewing your friend as something else, it is practically impossible to revert back to your original state. Avoid it. It's like being parched in the middle of the sea (I'm being a tad dramatic).

To tell you the truth, I think we should all thank the Friendzone. Even though being automatically categorised as "just a friend" before the person we're interested in ever gives us a chance is mortifying, at least we know where we stand. The situation is clear: we're just friends, it won't ever be anything more. Get over it. Being in limbo sucks.