Read our expert tips for overcoming 10 common confidence-crushers.
So
nobody notices you, everybody else is more attractive and, frankly,
you're doomed to fail whatever you attempt in life? Nonsense! It's time
to face those fears head-on with our expert tips for overcoming 10
common confidence-crushers...
'I'm not as clever or interesting as other people'
'Comparisons
are odious,' insists clinical psychologist Dr Cecilia d'Felice. 'It's
an illusion to compare ourselves with others because we never really
know the full picture. We're all so good at impression management, we
forget that other people have their own insecurities and worries, too.
So stop judging yourself and them. It's much better to divert your
energy towards working on who you want to be, and stop worrying about
your own perceived limitations. Focus on what you like about yourself -
even if it's only one little thing - and build on that.'
'I didn't get the job'
Being
overlooked for promotion or turned down for a position you really
wanted elsewhere can feel soul-destroying - particularly if you were
initially pretty confident the job was yours. The trick, though, is to
learn from the experience. 'Try to find out where you were lacking,'
says life coach Carole Ann Rice. 'Do you need to strengthen certain
skills? Are you visible enough at work? Do you need to network and get
more allies and advocates to fight your corner? Instead of licking your
wounds, seize the opportunity to get out of your comfort zone and
improve yourself.'
'My parents prefer my sibling'
You
might think family favouritism won't affect you in adulthood. But,
according to Robert Kelsey - author of What's Stopping You Being More
Confident? - this hangover from childhood is one of the most common
causes of low confidence. 'Around 70 percent of fathers and 65 percent
of mothers favour one sibling, which is a disaster for the unfavoured
child,' he explains. 'For example, I was the "annoying little brother"
and "disappointing son" - two roles that gave my big sister high
self-esteem while leaving me bereft of confidence. To get beyond this,
you need enlightenment. Recognise what's happened and then learn to
forgive. Resentment may be an inevitable part of the journey, but you
need to grow beyond it. Ultimately, forgiveness is key to moving on.'
'A friend or partner keeps putting me down'
It
can be hard to stay confident if the comments or actions of someone
close keep chipping away at your self-esteem. 'You can't tear someone
down without tearing yourself down,' insists clinical hypnotherapist
Dominic Knight. 'The person who is slamming you probably has very low
self-confidence and their negative reinforcement of you is their method
of trying to control you and gain their own confidence. In a nutshell,
their opinion doesn't count. We all too often dwell on the negative
comments people have made. It's better to recall the many positive
things people have said instead.'
'My friends are more successful than me'
Uh-oh
- it's comparison time again! But if your friends all appear to have
better jobs, bigger houses or happier relationships than you, it's hard
not to feel lacking. 'This type of comparison only leads to contemptuous
feelings towards your friends, which may push them away,' warns
psychologist Dr Massimo Stocchi. 'Try turning the comparison into a
positive one. Be thankful that you have such successful people around
you - and use their success to motivate you to work hard to get the
things you want in life, too.'
'He's just not that into me'
When
a new man doesn't call or a relationship simply fizzles out in its
early stages, your confidence can take a real beating. But it's
important to keep things in perspective. 'When you depend on others'
approval to shore up your self-confidence, every "little" sign of
disinterest can hit you hard,' says relationship expert Kate Taylor. 'So
work on building up your love for yourself. Take time to nurture your
friendships, improve your career or indulge in new activities that
excite you before you start dating - and continue to pursue these
interests even when you're seeing someone. That way, you'll develop your
sense of self-achievement and have less time to notice or worry about
minor dating blips.'
'I feel out of my depth at work'
Squeezed
budgets, workplace reshuffles and a change in management can all take
their toll on professional confidence - even if you've been doing the
same job for a while. 'There are always changes in any job and this can
make us feel insecure,' says Carole Ann Rice. 'It's important to be
ready to face new challenges without feeling diminished by them. So
always expect things to change - then you won't be surprised when they
do. And if you've lost confidence, try to work out why - and identify
what you'd need to restore it, such as further training or more support
from your boss, for example. Also, it may help to take a reality check
and ask your manager or colleagues for constructive feedback on your
performance. You may well find your fears are unfounded.'
'People never notice me'
Convinced
you're the kind of person who unwittingly blends into the background at
work or social situations? You need to pay more attention! 'If you want
to be noticed, you need to be completely "present" in whatever you're
doing,' says Dr d'Felice. 'Be present to what's occurring around you,
present to what others are saying and present to your own thoughts and
feelings - and you will soon enhance your own personal presence. It's
also important to cultivate an authentic voice that allows you to "speak
your truth". When people communicate authentically, others sit up and
take notice. You don't have to be loud or aggressive: just say what you
think, but try to focus on the positive in every situation.'
'I'm too shy to make my mark'
OK,
speaking up at work or parties is all very well - but what if you're
too shy to open your mouth in the first place? Well, you need to feel
the fear - and do it anyway. 'If you want to create a bond with someone,
you need to give them your undivided attention,' says Dominic Knight.
'This is impossible if you're too concerned about how you're coming
across or whether people are judging you negatively. So stop focusing on
yourself and focus on making the other person's day by really
connecting with them. You can overcome shyness with practice. It will
help to think of times when you've had a great conversation with close
friends and family to get you in a positive frame of mind.'
'I've failed before - so I'll fail again'
It's
all too easy to have your confidence quashed by past failures. But who
goes through life getting everything right the first time? Nobody!
'You'll experience successes and failures constantly throughout your
life,' points out Dominic Knight. 'Indeed, research has shown that the
world's most successful people were initially great failures. But they
kept picking themselves up and persevering each time something didn't
work out. It would be utterly delusional to expect everything to go well
the first time you try it. The trick is to learn from your mistakes and
to keep trying until you succeed.'
Dhaka: Australia will start their World Twenty20 campaign on Sunday by
pitting against Pakistan at Shere Bangla Ntational Stadium, Mirpur.
Though,
Australia have never won a World Twenty20, they are certainly among the
favourites to lift the trophy. In fact, they have arguably the best
batting line up in the tournament. In David Warner and Aaron Finch,
Australia have a dangerous opening pair. In the middle-order they have
destructive batsmen in skipper George Bailey, Brad Hodge, Brad Haddin
and Glenn Maxwell. That`s not all, they also have James Faulkner and
Shane Watson who falls in the category of genuine all-rounders.
Australia
have quality bowlers in Mitchell Starc and Brad Hogg but they will
definitely miss the services of deadly speedster Mitchell Johnson, who
is out of the tournament due to infected toe.
Pakistan, who have
lost their first match against India, will be under immense pressure to
win this game to keep their hopes alive to reach the next level of the
tournament.
Most of the Australian players have a fair idea of
sub-continent tracks as they have been playing in Indian Premier League
for quite some time now. So, on papers, Australia are clear favourites
to win the match. But it would be interesting to watch whether the
Australian team will start their campaign on a winning note or against
all odds Pakistan will come out triumphant.
